Challenges For Today's Grandparents
Grandparents are very important people in children’s lives.
Therehave been manychanges in the last fifty years or so which
make grandparenting a whole new ball-game.
Grandparents can be in their forties or younger, and live an active
life for many years. Infact as people live longer, grandparenting
can last as many as 30 or 40 years or more.Being a grandparent is a
very special role. It brings an opportunity to do for your
grandchildren what you may not have been able to do for your own
children.
Here are some of the major changes that may be part of grandparenting
today :-
· Grandparents may be in employment (especially grandmothers who may not have been employed 30 years ago).
· Grandparents can be the main carer following family break-up or with both parents working.
· Grandparents may not be able to have much contact with their grandchildren after family break-ups. (See below).
· Families move around much more and there is more likely to be long distance grandparenting.
· Children’s behaviour, their knowledge, their skills with technology and the language may seem so advanced.
Distance Grandparenting
Many families now live a long way apart, with family members working
in different states and countries, so you might not be near your
grandchildren. You can still have a loving
relationship with, and give support to, your grandchildren.
· Offer to have the grandchildren to visit you on holiday - together or one at a time. Children get benefits from individual relationships with grandparents, not always in a group.
· Visit them.
· Keep regular telephone contact.
· Write letters, send tapes or videos and include family stories in them.
· Develop some new family traditions for managing birthdays etc.
· Email messages to your grandchildren so they can reply and include some photos.
Separation And Step-Grandparenting
If your son or daughter's relationship breaks up it can bring special
problems for grandparents.
· You may feel let down or disappointed, sad or angry. Talk it over with someone, a counsellor if necessary. Your grandchildren are going to need your support at this time.
· Don’t talk to your grandchildren about your disappointment with their parent(s), but listen to their feelings.
· If your son or daughter is very distressed you may be needed to try to explain to your grandchildren what is happening, and to help them to talk about their feelings. This needs a great deal of tact and sensitivity as both of the couple are your grandchildren’s parents. Children usually love and want to be with both their parents.
· Try to keep positive relationships with both parents, so that they will want you to go on playing a part in their children’s lives.
· If your son or daughter remarries or enters another relationship there will be other issues to think about. It is important to support the new relationship in front of the children, whatever you think about it.
· If step-grandchildren arrive you will need to think and maybe talk about other things such as:
o what presents will each of the children receive for birthdays?
o what will you do about will and family inheritance?
o how will you be able to share your time between your grandchildren?
These are individual questions that need to be worked out for your own situation, but it is important that everyone’s feelings are considered.
